Crystal Meth Recovery Blog for Gay Men | Stories, Tips & Coaching

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The following contains a personal story, this week's podcast, and a supplementary study guide for the episode. I stood surveying the bedroom setup: My wooden box with a glass top sat on the bed, equipped with clean pipe, fresh cloth, and a straw scoop. The laptop/ TV showed a YouTube EDM playlis...

Dec 27, 2024

What You Did Is Not Who You Are

Isn't it funny how numbers can earmark memorable events? I remember noticing "4:39" glowing red on my dashboard. I glanced at the time right before I turned my car off one frigid January evening. I had to be in the office by 9:00 am. My buddy Harris (name changed) and I had tried all night to fin...

Dec 27, 2024

Podcasts and Books and Research!

Without Grindr, Sniffies, and Porn, what would I do with my extra time? Have you ever tried to calculate how many hours you've spent of your energy and time staring at your phone/laptop with absolutely zero benefit to show for it? I estimated my own investment the other week and became nauseous. ...

Dec 27, 2024

The Point of No Return

A little round face caught in my peripheral vyed for my attention. My intent was to keep my head down and avert my eyes from everyone in the waiting room. I looked up from my shoes to the brown toddler in the next chair. She was on the lap of someone I assumed was her mother. The lady shouted i...

Dec 27, 2024

Meditation in Recovery

My parTy supplies were kept inside a wooden box with a glass top. The inside was lined with velvet, complete with a strap to hold the pipe and a pocket for the baggie. A crafty buddy of mine fixed it up for me. We used to do a few hot rails, then tackle craft projects and/or dress in drag. The gl...

Dec 27, 2024 addiction recovery meditation recovery alchemy

Tina: The Great Puppet Master

Most of y'all reading this won't remember Anastacia. No, not the Disney film. The singer-songwriter who rocketed to fame in the early 90s then plummeted similarly. Her music was prominent on my "Tina Tunes" Spotify playlist. During the first year of meth use, before it became severe, I spent many...

Dec 27, 2024

Doing the Work in Recovery

The large church parking lot was empty except for the cluster of cars parked near the side door. This would make incognito almost impossible. I slowly pulled in, avoiding eye contact with the turning heads of the group gathered outside. After turning my car off, I could hear their indistinguishab...

Dec 27, 2024

Letter to Myself in Active Addiction

August 4, 2023: It is August 4, 2018. A day before your birthday. I know that you’ve roamed around uptown Charlotte, NC in a confused fog for hours looking for your belongings. You hid your bag of clothes, laptop, and toiletries somewhere in a parking building. Now you have been desperately tryin...

Dec 27, 2024

Untangling Meth from Sex

I downloaded Tinder after a couple of months into recovery. It felt like time to maybe 'get back out there.' But after a few matches and conversations like: "Hey" "What you up to?" "What you like to do for fun?" "What kinda music you into?" I groaned, rolled my eyes, and laid back on my bed to ta...

Dec 27, 2024

Self-Empowered Recovery

Quitting crystal meth cold turkey shocked my nervous system. I lived in a state of dysregulation. Loud sighs if the line was long. Rolling my eyes at the slow walkers. Slamming the horn when someone didn't signal. Bitching under my breath about the loud guy at the gym. Taking away my chemical shi...

Dec 27, 2024

Careful What You Pray For

(Cause you'll get it) Growing up in the Pentecostal church felt like being in the front row of live theatre. The sanctuary became a stage. Seemingly ordinary people transformed into flamboyant performers. As a boy, I was thoroughly entertained. My coloring book couldn't compete with Mr. Jones, th...

Dec 27, 2024

Overcoming Adolescent Addiction

When I reflect on my earliest memory, a blurry scene comes to mind. I must have been a toddler because the top of the kitchen table was above my head. I remember a blurred face that I recognize as my dad. He hands me a cup to drink out of and I take a big swig of whiskey. Crying ensues from me; l...

Dec 27, 2024

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